wolfrose: (South Park)

DSCF1884
Originally uploaded by Gwen Wolfrose
Last weekend was the Utah Burn otherwise known as Element 11. Like Burning Man but not as large. It's a 21 and over camping event where they make art projects and burn them bonfire style. They had five burns this year. I only made it to three... they were right in front of our camp and I didn't have to travel far to get to them. lol

I had UV reactive dreds in my hair. I was also three or thirty sheets into the wind by the time I took this photo.

In other news, I fired my doctor. I went in on Tuesday to get on Lyrica. He had a student working with him that day and had her see me. She ignored most everything I said. She asked me where I was hurting most that day and I told here around my elbows, the back of my neck and shoulders and down in my hips and lower back. She squeezed on my left elbow and asked if that made it hurt worse and of course it did, duh I can't stand for anything to touch me right now. She left the room and then came back to tell me the places I said I hurt aren't indicative of Fibro *rolls eyes* and so it must be arthritis. Then handed me a prescription for mobic which is a NSAID anti-inflammatory. Now last year the doctor told me never to take ibuprofen again because I have a bleeding ulcer. He signed off on this prescription. WTF? I knew better but I took it anyway. It made me sick of course and it didn't do a fucking thing for my pain.

So Parker goes up to the doctor's office the next day to complain. The nurse calls me later and tells me the doctor said to not take the mobic again (duh) and that he called in another scrip for my ulcer. She said to take that for a week and then let him know how I'm doing. I asked what about my pain problem. She said any anti-inflammatory would irritate my ulcer. I told her that the anti-inflammatory didn't do anything for my pain anyway could he at least give me more flexeril and loratab. She said she would ask. She called back a bit later and said he refused. *growl*

I asked for a referral to a specialist. I refuse to see that man again for ANYTHING!
wolfrose: (simpsonized)
Ok so when last I left you I was squeeing about the Utah Renn Faire. So yeah, I went and had myself a grand time walking around in the dust spending money on garb which I look really awesome in. *squee* Went back the second weekend too.

Then I spent the next three days in bed (both times) because fibro sux. Still all hurty.

and then there is the fucktard factor...

I've posted before on here about how there is a Wiccan Church here in Salt Lake that collected a bunch of money from the community under the pretense that it was a fund to purchase land for the community which they then used to purchase a yurt and put in their Rev.'s back yard. So you guys know me, I've been plenty vocal about calling bullshit on it. This has been going on for about a year now and I doubt it will ever be resolved.

Well, last week someone posted the Charge of the Beeotch to a yahoo list called WestDesertWitchesWeb which was a local list but since a warlocked fucktard runs it and it's heavily moderated he had to open it up to anyone he could get to join it so now it's just another foo foo pagan list. One of the foo foo's on there is the Officer of Air for the afore mentioned church which means she is responsible for xposting their events all over the place and keeping the minutes. She's also made a point of calling several people in the community liars because she doesn't agree with them even though they can back up what they've stated with documentation or witnesses. She's also stated that Parker, Giffin (the HP of my coven which is the oldest coven in Salt Lake), and I are not part of the community because we don't reside in Salt Lake. This is also a woman who wears fairy wings, the kind you get for kids on Halloween, to every event she attends because apparently she thinks she is one. This is a woman I've spoken to twice briefly. Well, when the Charge of the Beeotch was posted she had something to say... and I quote:

Sorry I have to comment on this post; I know the woman Who wrote this
and in no way should anything she posts be promoted. I understand that
it is public , but the integrity and position that this person holds
in the Utah community leaves much to be desired.

Just my 2 cents. :P
BB Avalon


ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!

Like I said, I've spoken with Avaloony TWICE. She does not know me. All she knows is that I have opinions she doesn't like and I won't shut the fuck up.

As to my position in the community, and it's really nice of her to acknowledge that I'm part of this community eh, I'm one of the Local Coodinators for Salt Lake Pagan Pride and I run the largest and most active Witches Meetup in Utah. What that leaves to be desired for her I guess is that I'm not going away. That leaves my integrity, sorry Avaloony, I'm just not going to take money from people and use it for something else to make myself acceptable to your standards of integrity.

So that's what's going on in Kayote Land...
wolfrose: (eyecon)
Today I learned that apparently online only friends can't be dear friends. At least that is what I was told. It hurt, a lot. Some of my dearest friends are online friends that I've never met in person... or have only briefly met one time...

inannaliban, enyo, thorswitch, davensjournal, desdemmonna, ferelwing, herbmcsidhe, stephanielynch, jazdewills, teal_cuttlefish, lildrafire, magickalmoon, misslynx, pwnedkitten, rowansolasban, seshen, swisscelt... and others who aren't on LJ (and some who are I'm having brain fog from this stupid flare that is still going on) are all people I really care about and keep up with.

Maybe some people who aren't confined to a bed for days and sometimes weeks don't understand that these online relationships are the only contact with the outside world some people are able to have. Being disabled is quite lonesome at times. Sometimes the only real friend I have is a chihuahua who keeps me company while I'm curled up in pain. But I also have this laptop where I can reach out and interact with lots of people and in doing so I've found people I like and have formed relationships with and for me it doesn't matter that it's just words on a screen, it's human contact. I hurt all the same when I lose an online friend. I've been on the net long enough that I have had several online friends die and I cried all the same just as if I had physically met that person.

Ok, so a poll:

[Poll #1152022]
wolfrose: (FMS Hurts)
FMS really sucks, big time! I'm still having this stupid flare but at least I did get the doctor to give me some loratab. So I'm on 10mg of flexeril and 5mg of loratab and it just dulls the pain... everyone wave at zombie Gwen. I do have to say something here for medical marijuana, if I had a bowl to smoke I wouldn't be hurting this bad. It really does help me more than taking these narcotics. *sigh* oh well... at least they knock me out so I can sleep.

Parker is really understanding my frustration with doctors now. I know how bad I hurt and he knows how bad I hurt but the doctors do not see me all the time like he does and do not know how much I really hurt. I mentioned this in a comment the other day, the doctors usually just want to treat my diabetes because they assume my pain is caused from diabetic neuropathy which in all honesty I have started to develop in my feet and hands but the FMS I had long before I developed diabetes. I've had FMS for about 17 years and I've been diabetic for about five years now.

I can't stand for very long because it hurts and I can't sit in one spot for long because it hurts. I toss and turn when laying down because it hurts. Some days it hurts just to breath. Sometimes, like now, I can not lift a plate because it hurts. Forget opening the cap on a bottled water.

I thank the gods everyday for sending me a man like Parker who is able to work from home so he can take care of me when I'm like this. I do not know what I would do without him. I can't even express in words what he means to me, he truly is the love of my life and my knight in shining armor. I am indeed a very blessed woman to be loved by such a wonderful man as my husband.

bad day

Mar. 4th, 2008 11:42 am
wolfrose: (FMS Hurts)
really bad day, feel like dying

doctor not in today so i'm only allowed the 10mg of flexeril he prescribed the last time i saw him

this is a curl up and cry all day day... i can't even lift a plate... killmenowplz
wolfrose: (FMS Hurts)
I HURT! Every part of my body hurts right now but I'm also having these traveling spasms of intense pain that just incapacitate me. Brain fog is horrible, just writing this is challenging and I'm really nauseous, not able to eat much, even watermelon is making me ill.

THIS SUX!

wolfrose: (FMS Hurts)
I've been in so much frakin pain lately that my daughter's boyfriend has been commenting on how he can tell I'm not well. :-(

I!HATE!FIBRO!

I hate being tired. I hate not being able to think about anything without screaming in my head because I hurt. I hate not being able to do things I think I should be able to do. It SUCKS! I really hate though that some people think it's all in my head because ya know, I don't look sick... yeah, whatever... trade ya.

I hurt... bad... but I'm happy so life is good.

posted @ 420 Wonderland Way

wolfrose: (FMS Hurts)
I've not been posting because I've been in bed cause my back is crapping out on me again... damnit. Parker and I changed bedrooms with the girls so I didn't have net in my bedroom. Well, that's fixed now. :-) So here I am once again posting to you from my big comfy bed complete with heating pad and a ton of pillows... bleh...

But hey... lookie what I did... *grin*
http://www.deviantart.com/view/10334231/
wolfrose: (FMS Hurts)
More people have focused on or made more aware of the flu this year. Most people know they have the flu because they feel like they've been hit by a train, they are achy all over and hurt. I caught the flu a few weeks ago, the way I knew was the fever and other symptoms. They achy part of the flu is usually how I feel on a daily basis.

Now that I've been on medication that lessens the effect of fibro on my body and can no longer afford the meds, the pain is worse than before the meds. That may just be because I'm no longer used to the amount of pain, I know what it is like to not hurt so hurting again is horrid. All I know is that I want to cry most of the time. All this pain is doing is making me bitchier than ever, more cynical than ever. I've been horrible to Parker and I know it, not that he's been innocent though, sometimes I feel like he goes out of his way to piss me off and be an asshole.

I hurt like I have a bad case of the flu, only it doesn't go away. I live like this every day....

ugh

Feb. 10th, 2003 10:56 am
wolfrose: (FMS Hurts)
I woke up in a world of pain today and yes it has me in a grumpy mood.

I can barely walk today... so much for thinking my back pain was over...

I'm going back to bed!

cold weather = disabling pain

*grumble*

I have friggin work to do too damn it, I need to install a big cgi script but I can't take this chair for very long right now... ugh!

sigh

Dec. 9th, 2002 07:51 am
wolfrose: (FMS Hurts)
I've had a fitful night of sleep for the past two nights... I think it's because I'm in major pain... I've had horrid dreams.. things like my kids dying... I hate nights like these...

It seems that Parker and I just can't sleep in the same room comfortably... he has zero body fat and gets cold easy. He doesn't like fans so in the summer it's too fucking hot to sleep. Well, it's too fucking hot to sleep in the winter too because the heater is on and the door is closed and we have a heavy blanket and an electric blanket that I can't seem to adjust to be comfortable for me because no matter what I set my side to, I'm still getting whatever he has his side on. I hate that... but he would get sick if he gets too cold so I don't know how to fix this... *sigh*

Now I've had little sleep and I've got to take the kids to the doctor and I really just want to crawl back in bed because even sitting up in my chair right now is fucking killing me... I want to cry it hurts so bad... I wish this constant fucking pain would go away!

hurting

Oct. 24th, 2002 11:14 am
wolfrose: (FMS Hurts)
It's cold and it raining and I feel like total crap!

I'm taking a darvacet and going back to bed!

burrrrr

Oct. 7th, 2002 02:01 pm
wolfrose: (FMS Hurts)
It's raining and I'm cold! It's 59*F My whole body is achy. *grumble* Lucky for me though soup is on my diet. Yummy! :-) My doctor also gave me darvacet in this round of prescriptions.

I've got to go to the health food store and get some stevia so I can make this really yummy sounding carrot cake recipe that [livejournal.com profile] inannaliban gave me. I'll post it later if she says it's ok, or maybe she'll post it in her journal.... OMG that gives me an idea for another community! ARWEN! We need to do a pagan table on LiveJournal! please please please! It would be so great because people could set fav recipes to their memories!
*gives Arwen the puppy dog eyes look*
wolfrose: (FMS Hurts)
I am soooooooo friggin tired. I went to the grocery store and naturally that wore me out but what irritated me was that when I went to pay the bill I couldn't remember my PIN number for my card. Not at all, lucky for me I did write it down inside my wallet on a paper with tons of other numbers on it in different colors of ink. Soon as I looked at it I knew that was the number but geeze why couldn't I remember that damn number? I don't normally forget things like that. I'm just wondering if the neurontin could be causing this... I'm really feeling like I'm walking around in a haze.

I've also stopped being the one who drives most of the time. I'm wondering if I should stop driving all together though, driving while I'm feeling so out of it is really dangerous.

The pain problem is getting better though which is good but if I have to be out of it in order to not hurt I in the hell will I be able to go to work?

Sometimes I feel like I just can't win no matter how hard I work at it...
wolfrose: (FMS Hurts)
Ok, I'm taking 1000mgs of GlucophageXR a day, 40mgs of Celexa a day (doctor upped it yea!), 10mgs of Nortriptyline a day, 20mgs of Bextra a day, and he is building me up to 900mgs of Neurontin a day. My poor little pill case is bursting. lol

Needless to say, I went to the doctor today and after checking me over and my telling him that my highest blood sugar since being on the Glucophage was 136 he told me that now we would treat my pain problem. YEA!!!

and dum da da dum I lost ten pounds since last month! *big grin*

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Gwen Wolfrose

November 2009

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