Kayote in Wonderland

Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't
prepared for the answer.


In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting
attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to
the stand.


He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams I've known you
since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me.


You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about
them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't
the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a
two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he
was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem.
He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice
is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on
his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I
know him." The defense attorney almost died.


The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench,

and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you
asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for
contempt."