Today I learned...

[wolfrose]

Today I learned that apparently online only friends can't be dear friends. At least that is what I was told. It hurt, a lot. Some of my dearest friends are online friends that I've never met in person... or have only briefly met one time...

inannaliban, enyo, thorswitch, davensjournal, desdemmonna, ferelwing, herbmcsidhe, stephanielynch, jazdewills, teal_cuttlefish, lildrafire, magickalmoon, misslynx, pwnedkitten, rowansolasban, seshen, swisscelt... and others who aren't on LJ (and some who are I'm having brain fog from this stupid flare that is still going on) are all people I really care about and keep up with.

Maybe some people who aren't confined to a bed for days and sometimes weeks don't understand that these online relationships are the only contact with the outside world some people are able to have. Being disabled is quite lonesome at times. Sometimes the only real friend I have is a chihuahua who keeps me company while I'm curled up in pain. But I also have this laptop where I can reach out and interact with lots of people and in doing so I've found people I like and have formed relationships with and for me it doesn't matter that it's just words on a screen, it's human contact. I hurt all the same when I lose an online friend. I've been on the net long enough that I have had several online friends die and I cried all the same just as if I had physically met that person.

Ok, so a poll:

[Poll #1152022]

Comments

[chrissylj.livejournal.com]

((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))

Love ya,
Chrissy

[wide_worlds_joy]

I won't say that online only friends can not be as close as RL friends, but they can't be as involved in your life as RL friends. It's a different kind of friendship, not better or worse, just different.

I am and can be as involved and concerned about what you tell me online, but I can't be there to know all the nuances or all the things you are not telling me (not that I think you aren't being honest, but there are things that are censored just in routine).

But I think whoever said that to you was completely wrong.

[pwned-kisa.livejournal.com]

**nuzzle** Do you need an attack kitten?

[enyo.livejournal.com]

Clearly, that person has never had a close online relationship. Hell, it was because of my close, online relationships that I met my husband. Remember when you and I spent hours in an ICQ chat with Jon trying to fix things?

That was pretty damned special. So there. *smooch*

Real Friends

[(Anonymous)]

I met my husband online. I have met many dear friends online. The word "friend" denotes an emotional attachment to a person, something that can be obtained from and online friendship as well as one where the people meet IRL.

I've been lucky enough to have both with you, Missy Kayote.

Re: Real Friends

[(Anonymous)]

well yeah Online friends can be real because there is a real person typing the words. I have had experiences online that were really profound so blah to someone who tells you othewise

Jenn

[inannaliban.livejournal.com]

We went through a lot together in the last 11 years or so. You are a very dear friend, and hell, I talk to Enyo more often online then I do in r/l and we live in the same town :-P

[enyo.livejournal.com]

*waves to prove the point*

[swisscelt.livejournal.com]

Ooooh... ticky box...

I must say, not only can online only friends become dear friends, it's sometimes hard to know whether one is an "online" friend or a "real life" friend. You have among your friends several people in Colorado whom I know to be "real life" friends of someone whom I've gotten to know rather well "in real life", yet met online. One of those people is one who is also "online" friends with a friend of mine from Ohio, whom I also originally met online yet know "in real life"; and was friends with an old college friend of mine, along with another friend whose babysitter when a child was friends with my sister. And on and on it goes, until I need a whiteboard to track it all.

Internet is merely a medium of communication. And human relationships are built upon communication.

[seshen.livejournal.com]

What dumbass told you that anyhow?

[gwenwolfrose.livejournal.com]

apparently one that was never my friend although I cared about her a great deal and thought of her as my friend.

She has changed the name she wants people to call her and I've noticed she also changed some of her behavior for the worse IMO. I asked her who was she and what did she do with my friend and she stated that my friend was dead and replaced by this new name. I stated that I would mourn the loss of my dear friend then and she flat told me that we were never dear friends because we only met face to face a few times. That really cut deep.

It's not anyone you know though.

[pwned-kisa.livejournal.com]

Again, I offer the use of an attack kitten. **nuzzle**

[gwenwolfrose.livejournal.com]

*smiles and nuzzles back*

[desdemmonna.livejournal.com]

I'm closer to some of my online friends that I've been with RL ones.
-hugs you tight and sends tons of healing energy your way-

[gwenwolfrose.livejournal.com]

thank you Des, I do hope we get to meet one day to make that a real life hug.

[delusionalangel.livejournal.com]

When CynDee died, I could really only talk to people online. Talking to Brian in person or my mom on the phone was too hard. I talked to a real life friend online... but it was a online only friend who got me through. That same online friend, his rl friends have in that past come to me and told me there are times I know him better than them, and they've known him in rl for years and years. They've credited me for helping open him up in ways they never could. etc. So to say online friendships don't matter is crap.

[lucifera-shadow.livejournal.com]

They're WRONG.
Lemme tell you something, I have met the most wonderful kindred spirits on the net, and we keep up with and are a big part of eachothers' lives, moreso than most people I've met in RL. I would have gone completely batshit crazy from being so isolated because of my crunchy parenting views and my spiritual beliefs if it weren't for the net bringing me together with others who feel the same way I do about so many things.
They're my rock, and I certainly have made some of the best friends I've ever had via Livejournal and other sites, and just because I've never met them face-to-face, it doesn't make the friendship any less real.
People tend to forget that there are real, actual people on the other side of those electrons that form words.

*HUGS*

[gwenwolfrose.livejournal.com]

*smile* exactly!

I sorely wish I had the net back when my children were little little. I now have words to describe my parenting philosophies that my people thought were weird or just so bad for my kids, like letting my kids sleep in the same bed with me as babies.

[minteckers.livejournal.com]

With my lupus there are a lot of days I can't get out of bed and go do things. I have very good friends online. It's funny, when my real life friends get a livejournal, we become much closer just because I am terrible at keeping in touch IRL.

[vicki-sine.livejournal.com]

I have made some friends on line. Some I have even met face to face.

I do not negate the possiblity of becoming close friends with someone I meet on line. However, I have also learned the hard way, that it is even easier for someone to hide a lot about themselves on line.

You can not see body language, hear tone of voice.

We often substitute our own emotions and needs for what that lack of information. It can mislead our emotions.

I try not to allow my emotions to be fooled by my desires.

[donkey-hokey.livejournal.com]

Some of my first real friendships were online. Being online taught me how to talk to other people. I remember long stretches of time when my online friends were the only ones I had.

Sometimes having those online friends is the only way to talk to others who really understand the challenges you deal with.

- Ariel

[cmwagner.livejournal.com]

Screw them, and the horse they rode in on. And if they are so screwed up that they have to "kill off" the person they used to be, and have become someone rather worse than they had previously been, they have obviously been making some bad choices.

As for friends online being just as good as "IRL" friends, I have to tell you that outside of my chosen family, my best friends are online ones. Except for one person, outside of my chosen (and blood) families, ALL of my longest relationships are with people online - specifically with people I met through PWA.

And I'll tell you something else - most of the people I've met online are people I respect (and sometimes look up to). I rarely feel that way about people that surround me "IRL" (although that might change when we move).

[teal-cuttlefish.livejournal.com]

Wow, the stuff I miss when I get behind!

As you know, I'm another of the stuck-in-bed sometimes contingent, and the Internet has played a large part in my social life since it was just BBSes. Both spice I met on the BBSes, they both were on my BBS, AAMOF. Hell, a lot of the long-term Pagans around here stumbled onto it with me when I was running that board.

That woman was right, she was never your friend. Not because you'd never met f2f, but because she either lied about who she was to begin with, or is lying now, or has undergone a complete personality transplant, and your friend is gone. I'm sorry that happened. I have friends all over the world thanks to this machine, and I'd be much the poorer without it.